Can I change my boyfriend's unmotivation and fear?

[aldwin]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. When we got together he was working at a retail job despite being a college graduate (I'm younger than him by 6 years) and lived with his parents. He constantly complained about how much he hated living with his parents and wanted to move out. Eventually he did, his sister got in a divorce and needed help with her apartment so he moved with her. He left his retail job for another under-qualifying low-paying job. He keeps getting these crappy jobs even though he has all the qualifications to get a job that will pay him well. Right now he's working a job that barely pays him 300 dollars a week. My mother has the same degree as him and works a really well-paying job, he would be living a perfect life if he got a job at my mother's office because he has no kids and not too many other responsibilities except part of his rent and his student loans. My mother has mentioned to him a few times that there are openings at her job and he always brushes off the idea.

His friend, who isn't a college graduate and has a baby, works some crappy crappy job. And my boyfriend is considering working there because his friend told him it's like "a big high school". It just frustrated me when he said he wants to work there for that reason and especially since it's a horrible job that barely pays. His sister recently got a job at a pretty pretentious company, she has the same degree as him, and told him they are hiring. And when I told him to go and apply he was like "Oh, I won't be able to pass the drug-test because I smoked weed a couple of days ago". Like seriously he isn't a kid anymore. I feel he needs to step up to his responsibilities and adulthood. I have a feeling it's fear. Like he's scared to grow up and be an adult. He's so hard-headed I can never get anything through to him but I really want too. He's a nice and smart guy he has so much potential but it just wasting it. I can't stand it. I love him, but I'm a very ambitious person and can't stand to see lazy unmotivated people who just aren't trying.

What can I say to get through to him?

[dustan35]

I'm sorry that your are having this frustration. The most important thing to remember is you can only control yourself. You can't control other people. Try sitting down and talking to him. If it is very important that he has ambition and motivation in his life while he is with you, he needs to know.

If you would like to speak to a counselor, please don't don't hesitate to call the Boys Town National Hotline, 24/7, at 1-800-448-3000 or go to www.yourlifeyourvoice.org.

Lauren, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline