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Financially irresponsible husband, what to do?

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Financially irresponsible husband, what to do?

Postby safwan » Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:47 pm

Been married 6 years, we have two children and I have one from previous relationship. Husband owns home 100% NO MORTGAGE, we live in this home, his income is $700 a month which he gives to me (has a studio he rents), I have a full time job and make about $5K a month, with this money I have to pay for ALL the bills, 3 school tuitions (private school), buy groceries, put gas in mine and his car, pay for travel, give him spending money, clothes, basically everything that it takes to run a household. He thinks this is okay because he gives me and my children a place to live and gives me $700, which is nothing, at the end of the month I literally have very little money b/c I have to cover all the expenses. He does not work and has no intention to work, he says nobody will hire him, he plans business plans but never does anything, but I still have to pay for daycare for the kids. What to do? He is a good man and a good father but I cannot tolerate a lazy man, I feel I have another child that spends a lot. Any tips? Run or stay?
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Financially irresponsible husband, what to do?

Postby dridan » Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:52 pm

Did he just magically stop earning money when you married him, or was he in the same financial state when you said I do? My guess is that he hasn't changed for as long as you've known him. Your expectation was probably that he would change over time, and he hasn't. Lesson - you can't change people. What you see is what you should assume you'll get. I'm not saying it's your fault that he's the way he is, only that it's naive to think that someone is magically going to change. You're getting what you signed up for. If you've changed your mind about what you want, at least be intellectually honest enough to admit that and don't blame him when you leave.

Edit - My ex owned a farm when we married. It, too, went down the drain and so did his work ethic. The indicators of his irresponsibility were there before I married him. I chose to ignore them and proceeded anyway. I'm sure if you think long and hard you'll realize the signs were there with him too.
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Financially irresponsible husband, what to do?

Postby kellan » Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:59 pm

You need to sit down with him and look at all the expenses together.
Look into realestate rental and estimate what the house payment would be.
Figure that into all the bills and expenses and tell him what HALF of that would be and compare it to what he pays.
How much is his studio and what's it for if he doesn't work? Sounds like a waste of money! Get rid of everything that isn't a complete necessity and have him help you around the house more. Tell him you're stressed out and something has to "give" somewhere to give you a breather! You're very tired!!!
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Financially irresponsible husband, what to do?

Postby otis6 » Fri Jun 08, 2012 1:07 pm

Where would you run??

If with someone else, who would want to deal with 3 kids from 2 fathers??

If just to get away from him, that would only make things harder for you since you would have to deal with all the same problems, PLUS you would have to raise the children all on your own...

If you want to be by yourself, why would you abandon your children/responsibilities just because you cannot handle the decisions you made earlier in life??

Everybody has their qualities and their flaws, including you. You chose to have a life and children with this man, now you must accept that choice and make it work. Running away from your problem only postpones and inflates them. I'm sure you've already had several discussions with him about how you feel, but the more you enable him (giving him spending money, paying for his car), the more you are telling him he is right. The thing is, you two are married... that's not his house, it's both of yours. He can only hang that over your head if you allow him to.
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Financially irresponsible husband, what to do?

Postby ned » Fri Jun 08, 2012 1:14 pm

Private school is not necessary.
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