I've been dating this girl that I really would like to live the rest of my life with, but I'm so confused with what she wants out of our relationship. I met her three years ago thru an online dating site. We were officially "together" for the first year, then we ended up breaking up, and then have been steadily "going out" for the past two years. There are a couple problems that I am having trouble with.
First of all, she doesn't want to make it "official". She doesn't want the "boyfriend/girlfriend" labels again yet. When I asked her about that, she tells me she doesn't want a boyfriend yet, but she says that I'm the only one she's going out with, and she's not seeing anybody else. She treats me as if I'm a "friend". She claims that she's not comfortable with showing affection because "it's just not how she is".
Second thing I'm having trouble figuring out is that she isn't willing to introduce me to any of her friends. Her reasoning for that is because her group of friends are really close to her ex boyfriend, and if she brings a new guy into the group, they'd kick his *** the first time they get drunk around him. She told me that she doesn't want to bother introducing me to them because she's going to slowly stop hanging around that group. It's been two years later and a little birdie has told me that she's still actively hanging out with the group which includes her ex boyfriend. I got to meet one of her friends when we first met, but that was it. Haven't met anyone else ever since. Whenever she tells me she goes out, she tells me it's with her relatives, or that one friend. Sometimes it's true because she sends me pictures of her neices, but most of the time I end up finding out she went out with her friends and just didn't want to tell me. She's usually goes out about two days out of the weekend to wherever she goes.
I have a pretty good job, and I've been spending my money on her. I pay for every single penny when we go out. Lately not as much as I have been in the past because I'm going thru a bit of financial issues. She doesn't work. She said she'd find a job but that was a year ago and it doesn't seem like she's actively searching. I buy her expensive things on special occassions, but she doesn't get me anything but assumes I understand because she has no job.
I know it's pretty obvious from what I've described so far that I'm being used, but the reason I've been holding on to this relationship is because she does show me some hope sometimes. When I tell her I need to budget, she's willing to hang out at the house to save money. She's met my parents and siblings and has gone on family vacations with us. She tells me she wants to have kids with me someday. She spends most of her time during the weekdays with me.
I've tried to talk to her in the past about all this, but that usually leads to her being pissed off for accusing her of things, and she ends up ignoring me for a long while. The first fight about this (after the first year) ended up with us splitting up and me back in the dating scene. I dated about ten other girls before we ended up talking to eachother again. Nobody came close to the chemistry I have with this girl.
What am I to do in this situation? Am I being a fool to let this girl treat me like this? Am I being too paranoid about things? Should I leave her (even though I love her to death) if she's not willing to introduce me to her friends after these past three years already?
Thanks for taking the time to read up on my situation. I'd really appreciate any useful feedback.